Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Holding on.

This morning, I'm happy. I'm happy because he is. I AM, because he is. I honestly have no idea how those without faith make it from day to day. Without my faith, I would be dead and gone by now. If 5 years ago you would have told me that I'd have the career I have, making the money I make, driving the car I drive, living in the city I live in--all on my own--I would have never seen it. I'm just so abundantly, superbly blessed. Through adversity, troubles, trials, and tribulations, not only am I still here, but I'm THRIVING here! I've lost loved ones, seen people go to jail, come home from jail, give birth, lose babies, get married, get divorced, been in love, been out of love, and been on the verge of just giving up completely--but that faith. The faith that told my grandmother to hold on, and told my mother to hold on,tells me to hold on. Keep looking above. Keep moving forward. Even those times when you feel like you can't make another step--God will carry you--just believe that it will happen. What a year its been. Maybe I can come up with a 2010 recep blog...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


The frequency in which men move in and out of my life is alarming. These aren't men that I'm sleeping with...men that I'm falling for...men that I've dated for months...but just random men. Men I meet online, men I meet at bars, men I meet at clubs--even men I meet through mutual friends. We msy talk or text a few times...then it's over. Granted, some people have busy lives, but if it's that busy, why even make the effort of getting my number and starting to get to know me? It's starting to affect me. Is it because I'm not giving up anything? Maybe I don't move quickly enough. Did I "have it" in my younger years, and no longer have it at 30? It feels like the closer I get to realizing my other goals and dreams, the further away men move. Maybe God is preparing me to move into my destiny and I need to go into it alone? Or maybe like Paul, I'm not even supposed to end up with anyone. Something to reallly think about.