Thursday, December 11, 2008

Somebody stop them!-workplace rants

From: Random Lady Upstairs
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:24 AM
To: The entire office
Subject: holiday tree decorations

Please join the fun and celebration of the joyful season by adding an ornament to the holiday tree in the Lee Building Lobby. There is a box of ornaments from which to choose and you can add your special touch to the decorating today.

ARE YOU KIDDING. That's not a question (notice the period), that's a statement. You want me to put an ornament on the tree. Let's think about this. I don't customize the ornament...I don't write my name on it, add any glitter, nothing--just take it out of the box and put it on the tree? You mean you want me to help you decorate? OK-why didn't you just say that? I will accept your request for assistance--however, delegating work in Jesus' name is just wrong. And you wonder what is wrong with our society. This lady must think we are crazy. Then again--I bet there will be a line up there at about 12:30 pm--a line full of people waiting to do someone else's work on their lunch break. They better be glad I'm a Christian. I would have them all back here, filing papers in exchange for prayers...suckers.

Yesterday, we had an offsite meeting in Charlottesville, with a presentation by a co-worker from Jim Collins' "Good to Great". It could have been a very beneficial presentation-if it wouldn’t have been so wrong. Mind you, I only read the first 4 pages, but as a child of the 90's, I went online and found a summary. The book (well, supplement of the actual book) talks about inputs and outputs--for instance--focusing on your outputs (lower crime rates), as opposed to your inputs (how many arrests were made, how many tickets you gave out, etc.). The presenter asked for examples of inputs and outputs. And so it went:

Me: "An input may be improving the quality of training for new hires. The output may be higher retention/lower turnover rates as people aren't as frustrated with their jobs, and are more knowledgeable and productive.
Presenter: *writing it down* "Ok".
Director: "Good customer service!"
Presenter: *writing furiously* "Right!!"
Me: *thinking* Right? Where is the rest of the answer? Inputs and outputs--that requires a compound sentence at least--not a phrase...? Whatever....
Co-worker: "Helping out whenever you can."
Presenter: "Absolutely--this is what is meant by inputs and outputs-doing what you can for the employees."
Me: *looking around in total confusion and thinking* No--that's not what's meant. Did ya'll idiots even read this shit? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU CRAZY PEOPLE?!?!?!?
Another Co-worker: "Going the extra mile takes us from Good to Great."
Presenter: "That's a good example, and that’s what the author is getting at."
Me: *highly pissed at this point, still thinking* Ok, so it's evident you read the TITLE of the article, but where the hell are you getting this mumbo jumbo from--and why does the presenter keep agreeing?!?!?

At that point, I gave up for the day. Too bad it was only 11:29 am--but it happened just that quickly. As the presentation went on, it got even further and further away from the topic at hand. I love being smarter than other people...but that shit is sooo frustrating.

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